Cinjincem is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, cheerful squirrel.

Cinjincem created an up quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Cinjincem, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Cinjincem, she will turn you into a mole.

Cinjincem's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Cinjincem's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. You must love Cinjincem.

4. Do not shave your chest.

5. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Cinjincem on top of all buildings.