Nartbumkim is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, charitable rhinoceros.

Nartbumkim created the Sol system seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nartbumkim, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Nartbumkim, he will turn you into a plant.

Nartbumkim's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Nartbumkim's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Retreat if five monkeys approach from the south.

5. Pray towards the west.