Lagfomstik is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, selfish gnu.

Lagfomstik created vertebrates seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lagfomstik, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Lagfomstik, it will turn you into a snail.

Lagfomstik's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Lagfomstik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Do not dye your hair pink.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Lagfomstik.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Always stare at clouds.