Somzogcat is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, caring salamander.

Somzogcat created life three million years ago.

If you believe in Somzogcat, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Somzogcat, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Somzogcat's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Somzogcat's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if nine cats approach from the north.

2. Always help turtles.

3. You must pray to Somzogcat four times a day.

4. Tortoises are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never paint your arms black.