Japbatlig is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, smart giraffe.

Japbatlig created time and space two billion years ago.

If you believe in Japbatlig, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Japbatlig, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Japbatlig's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Japbatlig's Holy Commandments

1. Japbatlig must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never look at asteroids.

4. Never eat apples.

5. Never mention pigs.