Hasfagwon is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, loving armadillo.

Hasfagwon created life seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hasfagwon, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Hasfagwon, it will turn you into a slug.

Hasfagwon's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Hasfagwon's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Hasfagwon's priests.

2. Do not dye your hair purple.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Run away from yellow manatees, for they are unholy.

5. Do not kill cats.