Lanmantafbon is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, intelligent octopus.

Lanmantafbon created viruses four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lanmantafbon, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Lanmantafbon, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Lanmantafbon's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Lanmantafbon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

2. Aardvarks are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Hide if eight dolphins approach from the south.

5. You must pray to Lanmantafbon four times a day.