Capgumzantetti is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, overgenerous mongoose.

Capgumzantetti created vertebrates four billion years ago.

If you believe in Capgumzantetti, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Capgumzantetti, she will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Capgumzantetti's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Capgumzantetti's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

2. You must pray to Capgumzantetti three times a day.

3. Do not shave your chest.

4. Pigs are not to be trusted.

5. Never think about gravity.