Cussjapvig Renfumarp is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, ill-tempered jaguar.

Cussjapvig Renfumarp created a charm quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cussjapvig Renfumarp, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Cussjapvig Renfumarp, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Cussjapvig Renfumarp's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Cussjapvig Renfumarp's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Pray towards the north.