Tifyarfem is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, generous beaver.

Tifyarfem created the Large Magellanic Cloud two billion years ago.

If you believe in Tifyarfem, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Tifyarfem, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Tifyarfem's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Tifyarfem's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Do not dye your hair black.

5. Never skip in the presence of dogs.