Flantargkap is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, unthinking pig.

Flantargkap created life six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flantargkap, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Flantargkap, it will turn you into a dog.

Flantargkap's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Flantargkap's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if seven doves approach from the east.

2. Always treat porpoises with great respect.

3. Do not eat lentils.

4. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

5. Do not cook food in pots.
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