Jonkimnatquam is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, witty warg.

Jonkimnatquam created time and space two years ago.

If you believe in Jonkimnatquam, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Jonkimnatquam, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Jonkimnatquam's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Jonkimnatquam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not jump in public.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never bounce near tapirs.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Never feed wheat to bats while wearing cyan corsets.