Kinyakwab is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, emotional hippopotamus.

Kinyakwab created bats eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kinyakwab, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Kinyakwab, he will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Kinyakwab's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Kinyakwab's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Never wear rings.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Kinyakwab.

4. Never talk about sharks.

5. Porpoises are unholy and should not be approached.