Matsawjan is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, all-powerful newt.

Matsawjan created the planet Mars nine million years ago.

If you believe in Matsawjan, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Matsawjan, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Matsawjan's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Matsawjan's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about stars.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not dye your hair cyan.

4. Always help aardvarks in need.

5. Hide if four manatees approach from the south.