Vonrutwik is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, compassionate mole.

Vonrutwik created everything that exists six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonrutwik, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Vonrutwik, she will boil you in a big pot.

Vonrutwik's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Vonrutwik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never hurt eagles.

3. Hide if three hamsters approach from the east.

4. Never write about gravity.

5. Always stare at clouds.