Gumdibkap is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, resourceful narwhal.

Gumdibkap created an atom seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gumdibkap, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Gumdibkap, he will be very sad.

Gumdibkap's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Gumdibkap's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Worship no other gods but Gumdibkap.

4. Never wear shirts.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.