Vadzanstrag is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, wise manatee.

Vadzanstrag created an up quark three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vadzanstrag, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Vadzanstrag, it will send you a sign.

Vadzanstrag's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Vadzanstrag's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not wear zinc on your body.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Always look after injured monkeys.

5. Never wear scarves.