Ontminnegvig is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, duplicitous giraffe.

Ontminnegvig created humankind four years ago.

If you believe in Ontminnegvig, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Ontminnegvig, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Ontminnegvig's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Ontminnegvig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about carrots.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Do not take Ontminnegvig's name in vain.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not eat lemons.