Quafkabmin is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, astonishing zebra.

Quafkabmin created the planet Jupiter eight million years ago.

If you believe in Quafkabmin, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Quafkabmin, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Quafkabmin's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Quafkabmin's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat cucumbers.

2. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Do not skip in public.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.