Queegparkquim is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, tranquil lion.

Queegparkquim created viruses eight million years ago.

If you believe in Queegparkquim, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Queegparkquim, he will refuse to believe in you.

Queegparkquim's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Queegparkquim's Holy Commandments

1. Snails are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Do not dye your hair cyan.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Queegparkquim.

5. Always take life seriously.