Jarnyakfum is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, competent mongoose.

Jarnyakfum created Europe three billion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnyakfum, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Jarnyakfum, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Jarnyakfum's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Jarnyakfum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Always help frogs in need.

3. Never wear yellow corsets.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Jarnyakfum.