Tunquaflamcabvonbudcun is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, two-faced clam.

Tunquaflamcabvonbudcun created the planet Mars three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tunquaflamcabvonbudcun, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Tunquaflamcabvonbudcun, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Tunquaflamcabvonbudcun's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Tunquaflamcabvonbudcun's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from fawn snails for they are unholy.

2. Tunquaflamcabvonbudcun must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.