Hongessced is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, loving otter.

Hongessced created Mount Everest six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hongessced, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Hongessced, he will turn you into a plant.

Hongessced's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Hongessced's Holy Commandments

1. Never jump near seals.

2. Erect seven lead sculptures of Hongessced on top of important buildings.

3. Worship no other gods but Hongessced.

4. Do not wear green clothing.

5. Do not speak about garlic.