Dissbisstaf Zanbabhuncan Gemtadyam is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, prudent whale.

Dissbisstaf Zanbabhuncan Gemtadyam created viruses four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dissbisstaf Zanbabhuncan Gemtadyam, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Dissbisstaf Zanbabhuncan Gemtadyam, she will make you grow a tail.

Dissbisstaf Zanbabhuncan Gemtadyam's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Dissbisstaf Zanbabhuncan Gemtadyam's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce near goats.

2. You must pray to Dissbisstaf Zanbabhuncan Gemtadyam five times a day.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never feed onions to rats while wearing yellow stockings.

5. Worship no other gods but Dissbisstaf Zanbabhuncan Gemtadyam.