Taprillyog is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, wise goblin.

Taprillyog created the planet Saturn seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Taprillyog, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Taprillyog, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Taprillyog's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Taprillyog's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear dresses.

2. You must never eat lentils.

3. Never bounce in holy places.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.