Ortbestsitveg is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, temperamental slug.

Ortbestsitveg created humankind nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Ortbestsitveg, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Ortbestsitveg, she will destroy your home galaxy.

Ortbestsitveg's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Ortbestsitveg's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your back black.

2. Never eat lemons.

3. Never think about galaxies.

4. Retreat if six otters approach from the east.

5. Feed all hungry snails.