Fitlaktabrill Lampithad is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, self-assured penguin.

Fitlaktabrill Lampithad created the Black Eye Galaxy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fitlaktabrill Lampithad, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Fitlaktabrill Lampithad, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Fitlaktabrill Lampithad's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Fitlaktabrill Lampithad's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

5. Never go into gray rooms.