Ortflismin is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, annoying rhinoceros.

Ortflismin created the planet Venus three billion years ago.

If you believe in Ortflismin, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Ortflismin, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Ortflismin's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Ortflismin's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not shave your hands.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.