Bitartjip is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, staggering porpoise.

Bitartjip created the Sombrero Galaxy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Bitartjip, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Bitartjip, she will ignore you.

Bitartjip's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Bitartjip's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into gray rooms.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Bitartjip must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never think about amino acids.

5. Always treat dogs with great respect.