Timnuttrul is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, ill-tempered guinea pig.

Timnuttrul created energy eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Timnuttrul, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Timnuttrul, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Timnuttrul's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Timnuttrul's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed bananas to dolphins while wearing purple trousers.

2. Timnuttrul loves moths, so they must be honoured.

3. Never think ill of sick turtles.

4. Never paint your head turquoise.

5. Timnuttrul must be the most important thing in your life.