Hamquimzakxem is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, selfish wolf.

Hamquimzakxem created silver four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hamquimzakxem, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hamquimzakxem, it will cry a lot.

Hamquimzakxem's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Hamquimzakxem's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate mites.

2. Never look at galaxies.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never think about the weak nuclear force.