Bintinbonknill Somcencunveenkenran is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, loving narwhal.

Bintinbonknill Somcencunveenkenran created an electron eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bintinbonknill Somcencunveenkenran, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Bintinbonknill Somcencunveenkenran, she will boil you in a big pot.

Bintinbonknill Somcencunveenkenran's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Bintinbonknill Somcencunveenkenran's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Bintinbonknill Somcencunveenkenran.

3. Worship no other gods but Bintinbonknill Somcencunveenkenran.

4. Do not trade with those who eat wheat.

5. Do not covet oxen.