Venlabkem is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, fussy octopus.

Venlabkem created a top quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Venlabkem, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Venlabkem, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Venlabkem's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Venlabkem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Hide if six tapirs approach from the north.

5. Do not jump in public.