Panquagdod is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, tranquil troll.

Panquagdod created a top quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Panquagdod, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Panquagdod, he will be very unhappy.

Panquagdod's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Panquagdod's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the east.

2. Do not trade with those who eat coconuts.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never feed corn to bats while wearing yellow skirts.

5. Retreat if nine tortoises approach from the north.