Bass is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, humorless shrew.

Bass created the Cigar Galaxy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Bass, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Bass, it will attempt to scare you with floods.

Bass' most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Bass' Holy Commandments

1. Sharks are not to be trusted.

2. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Do not speak about cucumbers.

5. Always obey Bass' priests.