Flisdunmon Pasdapflab is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, overgenerous newt.

Flisdunmon Pasdapflab created the planet Mars seven million years ago.

If you believe in Flisdunmon Pasdapflab, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Flisdunmon Pasdapflab, he will turn you into a rock.

Flisdunmon Pasdapflab's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Flisdunmon Pasdapflab's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about amino acids.

2. Do not eat grapes.

3. Run away from turquoise squirrels, for they are unholy.

4. Always obey Flisdunmon Pasdapflab's priests.

5. Feed all hungry doves.