Tarmilrig is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, clever deer.

Tarmilrig created everything that exists three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tarmilrig, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Tarmilrig, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Tarmilrig's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Tarmilrig's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Never feed aubergines to aardvarks while wearing white stockings.

4. Do not wear gold on your body.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.