Vonktunwap is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, effective chicken.

Vonktunwap created dark matter six billion years ago.

If you believe in Vonktunwap, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Vonktunwap, it will send minions to preach to you.

Vonktunwap's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Vonktunwap's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about moons.

2. Do not wear silver on your body.

3. You must pray to Vonktunwap nine times a day.

4. Do not skip in public.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.