Lapnarljen is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, proud walrus.

Lapnarljen created humankind six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapnarljen, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Lapnarljen, he will not invite you to parties.

Lapnarljen's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Lapnarljen's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate goats.

3. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Always treat eagles with great respect.

5. Do not make images of living things.