Jarntinxem is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, slow bird.

Jarntinxem created matter nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarntinxem, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Jarntinxem, it will jump up and down on your head.

Jarntinxem's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Jarntinxem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill gulls.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Worship no other gods but Jarntinxem.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Jarntinxem loves tapirs, so they must be honoured.