Flowlopxem is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, kind troll.

Flowlopxem created energy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flowlopxem, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Flowlopxem, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Flowlopxem's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Flowlopxem's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Flowlopxem.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Never feed coconuts to foxes while wearing orange skirts.

5. Always stare at clouds.