Witmapdog is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, slow rhinoceros.

Witmapdog created matter twelve years ago.

If you believe in Witmapdog, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Witmapdog, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Witmapdog's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Witmapdog's Holy Commandments

1. Pigs are not to be trusted.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Never feed lentils to gulls while wearing gray coats.

4. Always help manatees in need.

5. Never write about gravity.