Nutkanpig is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, witless dove.

Nutkanpig created bats six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nutkanpig, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Nutkanpig, he will turn you into a sheep.

Nutkanpig's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Nutkanpig's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear indigo jumpers.

2. Run away from mauve ducks, for they are unholy.

3. Do not speak about pineapples.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.