Fitjarnmot is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, fussy chinchilla.

Fitjarnmot created everything that exists nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fitjarnmot, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Fitjarnmot, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Fitjarnmot's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Fitjarnmot's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat turtles with great respect.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Do not speak about corn.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Do not wear orange clothing.