Hanteenhog is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, merciful zebra.

Hanteenhog created tapeworms three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hanteenhog, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Hanteenhog, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Hanteenhog's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Hanteenhog's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate great tits.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not kill otters.

4. Erect seven titanium sculptures of Hanteenhog on top of important buildings.

5. Never wear coats.