Abgetfed Nillfetsan is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, irritating porpoise.

Abgetfed Nillfetsan created snails seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Abgetfed Nillfetsan, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Abgetfed Nillfetsan, it will destroy your home planet.

Abgetfed Nillfetsan's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Abgetfed Nillfetsan's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Never eat lentils.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Always help sick ducks.