Dutlapbarn is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, annoying crocodile.

Dutlapbarn created an up quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dutlapbarn, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Dutlapbarn, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Dutlapbarn's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Dutlapbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Pray towards the south.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never write about comets.

5. Do not cook food in pots.