Tomfobken is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, all-powerful slug.

Tomfobken created a charm quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Tomfobken, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tomfobken, it will turn you into a hamster.

Tomfobken's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Tomfobken's Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh near badgers.

2. Always make sure there are no pigs in a room before entering it.

3. Run away from mauve sheep, for they are unholy.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Never think about stars.