Kamgartarpsagkap is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, emotional cow.

Kamgartarpsagkap created dark matter seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kamgartarpsagkap, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Kamgartarpsagkap, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Kamgartarpsagkap's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Kamgartarpsagkap's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lemons to sharks while wearing blue scarves.

2. Put Kamgartarpsagkap first in all things.

3. Never talk about black holes.

4. Always look after injured tapirs.

5. Never mention snails.