Nartkopren is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, loving bear.

Nartkopren created the planet Jupiter five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nartkopren, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Nartkopren, she will boil you in a big pot.

Nartkopren's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Nartkopren's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the west.

2. Do not jump in public.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never laugh in holy places.

5. Never wear trousers.